Green turns to Gold...

Tonight I bid a bittersweet farewell to my best friends. These are the girls that I've known for a good part of my life, the girls that have helped me through many a problem, yet have celebrated just as many happy occasions. Sometimes I wonder where I would be without them, constantly by my side, whether or not I acknowledged that I needed help. I'm feeling rather nostalgic right now. Sarah leaves for R.I.T. tomorrow, I go back to Crane on Sunday, Andrea moves out of her house on Sunday, and Molly continues on with her journalism aspirations at a local newspaper. I'm really going to miss them...it feels weird, empty almost. I'm never one to get misty eyed or sad over parting, but right now, I'm barely fighting the tears back. Granted, I get to see everybody I love dearly in Potsdam. My happiness at that equals my sadness at leaving my friends and family here. Sometimes I wish that we would never have to leave the ones that we love. Sometimes I wish that we could all just live together happily, and it would be a wonderful and beautiful dream.

I say goodbye to my grandparents tomorrow. God, I love them. They are two of the most precious entities ever to exist. That may be my own opinion, but if you met them, you'd feel the same. I have never met two people who overflowed with such compassion, such beauty, and such a zest for life. They are both in their seventies. With each goodbye, or passing of a season, a part of me seems to grow more selfish with the hope that they will be here another year, or decade. I love them so much, it makes it hard to acknowledge that time isn't kind.

I spend each moment with them as it would be my last though. When you love somebody, that's all you can do. Live the dream with them, with the hope that your love can beat back reality and prolong that dream, that tiny flicker of hope, just a little bit longer. I've learned not to take relationships, or the people you love, for granted. They could vanish from your life as quickly as they came. No matter how strong that bond is, sometimes it isn't enough, so cherish your time with those you hold dear like you would cherish being able to touch, smell, see, taste, breathe...


Another day has passed, and I am a day closer to my life as a college student. I am prepared, but I've never felt so muddled and confused. I am enlightened, yet ignorant. I am strong and confident, yet shy and fearful. I guess that is what being a human is all about. A constant paradox, a plethora of opposing ideas and emotions flitting about our systems, trying to perfect the puzzle we know as "I" or "me."

Green turns to Gold...with each passing step, I walk a bit farther away from the safety net of those I love. But the thing is, those we love are never far from us if they keep a place in our hearts. Potsdam, ho!

A Glimpse Into Chaos?

Ahh, the ramblings of a 19 year old female. It's such an odd age, 19. I am not yet considered a woman by society, yet I'm not exactly an adolescent, or looked down upon as most teenagers are. 19 and 20 seem to be bridging the gap between maturity and adolescent frivolity. Well, at least the "gap" that society seems to feed us.

We are constantly bombarded with images of young people (mind you, the age of these models are quite ambiguous) drinking, cavorting with the opposite sex, and generally having a hell of a time while looking chic and beautiful. These "models" in magazines, ads, hell, even movies are pushed down our throats, and eventually become the adulthood we are so enamored with. However, in our attempt to "grow up," we start drinking, doing drugs, becoming more promiscuous, and drowning in a world that society has fabricated in order to push products and images that we believe we need to buy or emulate.

Some may believe that maturity is the mental growth of an individual, the steady process of a young person developing into an adult capable of dealing with life's pressures and promises. Yet, with the emergence of this unrealistic view of maturity and adulthood, are we just setting ourselves up for failure or disillusionment? When we wake up the next morning in bed with an unfamiliar man or women, our hair a mess and the scent of alcohol lingering in the air, will the "adult life" fed to us by magazines, movies, and the entertainment and ad industry be so tempting?

Pointing out these problems is quite easy in comparison to finding the "why?" Why does society force these unrealistic images of life and beauty upon people? With the higher cost of living and the increasing gap between the rich and the poor, it seems that the type of living fed to us by magazines and other venues is incredibly impractical. How many of us have 500 dollars to blow on a slinky, designer tank top that we will only wear for one night? Or, if you're a guy, how many men are economically able to "wine and dine" a posse of models for an entire night? While those instances in themselves seem rather surreal, how many Americans look like they stepped out of a magazine after a few drinks? Despite the fact that these ads and images are quite unrealistic, we still eat them up with unrelenting vigor. Why?

Personally, I believe that that many people, no matter who you are, are guilted into buying these products and living this lifestyle in their attempt to appear glamorous. When you flip through magazines and are constantly bombarded by images of beauty, you can't help but feel a bit shoddy. Women see thin, glowing women with long hair and dazzling smiles. Men see muscular, lean men with penetrating eyes who are surrounded by flocks of women. While these images are in no way congruent with the lifestyles and realities of regular, everyday people, this concept usually doesn't sink in. Staring at thin, waiflike women can make a women with decent proportions feel like a whale. She may begin buying into the diet pills, cellulite creams, and expensive workout treatments in order to attain the "right look." Men feel like they are losing out if they do not have the perfect bodies, the right entourage, or enough cash in their wallet. They began spending more money in order to appear affluent, trying to buy the right friends, the right posse, the right woman. Basically, by showing Americans what they don't have (and simultaneously making them feel insecure and guilty about it), marketing firms, ad agencies, and other companies push people to buy products that they normally would not need or conceive of buying. The "adult lifestyle" that so many people deem to be glamorous and beautiful is just a well crafted pseudo-reality that businesses use to push their products. A bit disenchanting, is it not?

I do not condone drinking, buying clothes, or having sex. However, before you bust out the credit card for the impulse purchase, or attempt to lose weight because you feel bad about yourself, think again. When you get into the car with a man you don't know after a few drinks, think again.

The day after, when we evaluate the night before, are we doing this because we want to? Because we are up for just having a good time with friends?

Or are we doing it because we feel that we have to...because we are in "love" with this image of adulthood and maturity? Because we pine for what we do not have? Because we feel the pressure to "grow" up?