Green turns to Gold...

Tonight I bid a bittersweet farewell to my best friends. These are the girls that I've known for a good part of my life, the girls that have helped me through many a problem, yet have celebrated just as many happy occasions. Sometimes I wonder where I would be without them, constantly by my side, whether or not I acknowledged that I needed help. I'm feeling rather nostalgic right now. Sarah leaves for R.I.T. tomorrow, I go back to Crane on Sunday, Andrea moves out of her house on Sunday, and Molly continues on with her journalism aspirations at a local newspaper. I'm really going to miss them...it feels weird, empty almost. I'm never one to get misty eyed or sad over parting, but right now, I'm barely fighting the tears back. Granted, I get to see everybody I love dearly in Potsdam. My happiness at that equals my sadness at leaving my friends and family here. Sometimes I wish that we would never have to leave the ones that we love. Sometimes I wish that we could all just live together happily, and it would be a wonderful and beautiful dream.

I say goodbye to my grandparents tomorrow. God, I love them. They are two of the most precious entities ever to exist. That may be my own opinion, but if you met them, you'd feel the same. I have never met two people who overflowed with such compassion, such beauty, and such a zest for life. They are both in their seventies. With each goodbye, or passing of a season, a part of me seems to grow more selfish with the hope that they will be here another year, or decade. I love them so much, it makes it hard to acknowledge that time isn't kind.

I spend each moment with them as it would be my last though. When you love somebody, that's all you can do. Live the dream with them, with the hope that your love can beat back reality and prolong that dream, that tiny flicker of hope, just a little bit longer. I've learned not to take relationships, or the people you love, for granted. They could vanish from your life as quickly as they came. No matter how strong that bond is, sometimes it isn't enough, so cherish your time with those you hold dear like you would cherish being able to touch, smell, see, taste, breathe...


Another day has passed, and I am a day closer to my life as a college student. I am prepared, but I've never felt so muddled and confused. I am enlightened, yet ignorant. I am strong and confident, yet shy and fearful. I guess that is what being a human is all about. A constant paradox, a plethora of opposing ideas and emotions flitting about our systems, trying to perfect the puzzle we know as "I" or "me."

Green turns to Gold...with each passing step, I walk a bit farther away from the safety net of those I love. But the thing is, those we love are never far from us if they keep a place in our hearts. Potsdam, ho!